


A need to escape

by m_findlow



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 14:18:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13719477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_findlow/pseuds/m_findlow
Summary: Some things you just can't escape.





	A need to escape

Ianto felt Jack turn restlessly next to him again, waking him for what must have been the twentieth time. Outside and somewhere above them, he could hear the thunder crashing down, and the winds buffeting the tiny island. 

Jack wouldn't be the only restless one tonight, he thought. He imagined the hardworking carers, battling with some of the island's more disturbed residents. There'd be screaming and crying, wailing and clawing at the walls and doors. He'd had the misfortune to have seen it before, on a much smaller scale, but upsetting nonetheless. They were broken and haunted by their experiences. Was it any wonder that nature's brutality left them feeling anxious and scared? Part of him wanted to go and help them. A bigger part wanted desperately not to think about it. Let them stay tucked up here until it was over. He'd have enough of a task just tying to ease Jack's own anxiety. 

 

It had been just a normal trip out to Flat Holm Island, one that was scheduled, and not because they were forced to bring another victim there to be rehabilitated. It hardly mattered, Jack hated each and every visit with equal passion. For Ianto though, the trips were necessary. There was only so much that could be done via phone and email. That and he couldn't help but want to go out there and see what was really happening. It was one thing to hear it from Helen and her team of carers, but they were the sort of people that didn't complain, and often downplayed problems or issues they felt were trivial. Ianto didn't think any of them were trivial, and was keen to make sure that their every need was taken care of. If he could keep the staff happy and comfortable, then they could focus on what really mattered - caring for the victims of the rift. 

On a good day, the two of them achieved a lot in a short amount of time. When Jack was on his game, he managed to suck it up, focusing on whatever needed doing. He was good with the residents as well, often taking the time to chat with the ones who were so inclined, up for a game of chess, or a walk along the island's many rocky paths, enjoying the feeling of the wind whipping around them as they discussed how things were going, and what was happening on the mainland. The last few times they'd come out here, Ianto had been coordinating a small vegetable patch on the sheltered side of the island, and Jack had spent the mornings digging up earth, nailing garden beds together, and helping residents plant seedlings. Physical work was good for the residents, getting them outdoors, and it was good for Jack too, who was at his best when set to a physical task. 

Today however wasn't a good day, and Jack was far from his A game. He'd been in a rut since he'd gotten out of bed, knowing that he'd have a full day out on the island. Ianto didn't want to postpone their visit. It was important to stick to schedules, as much for them as it was for the residents, not all of whom coped well with ad hoc events. 

He'd been sullen the whole way there, fidgeting and uncommunicative when Ianto sat them down to run through a long agenda of items he wanted to cross off. Halfway through, Ianto had suggested that he could handle things and that maybe Jack could help out elsewhere. It was the polite way of getting him to go - anywhere, at this point. Even if all he did was sit out on the cliffs and stare blankly out over the water. It was driving Ianto crazy having him there distracting them from matters with his dark mood. 

Helen of course was accustomed to his wayward moods. She'd been dealing with Jack's visits to the island longer than Ianto had. At some point Jack had returned, flopping into the seat opposite Ianto as he continued to work through a pile of papers. He didn't say anything, just sat there, rifling through papers that Ianto had in neat piles, creating a new haphazard mess. Rather than try to pull him out of his funk, Ianto ignored it. It was a wasted effort, he knew, and the sooner he could get through everything he wanted to do, the sooner they could leave and put the place behind them.

 

'There's a severe storm warning just come through,' Helen reported, coming over to where they'd been working. 

'We won't hold you up any further, then,' Jack said, already pushing the chair out from the table. He'd been fidgeting in his seat for the past hour, driving Ianto to distraction. He couldn't wait to be out of here. Jonah's screaming had started a few hours ago and the sound permeated the place, seeping through every concrete wall and door. Ianto hated it, but he'd managed to tune it out somehow, feeling guilty about it. For Jack it was probably like fingernails on a chalkboard. 

'Do you need a hand with anything before we go?' Ianto asked instead. 

'Oh no, we're used to rough weather, but...' She looked furtive. 

'What is it?' 

'I radioed ahead, but Marty said he wouldn't make it back to port before the storm unless he sailed direct.'

'You're saying he's not stopping by to pick us up,' Ianto answered for her. 

'Ten foot swells, winds up to fifty knots. The boat won't hold up against that if you get caught out in it. Four hours back to port, closer to six if he has to come back and dock here.'

'Then tell him to hurry his arse over here,' Jack said. 

Helen looked apologetic. 'The storm is sweeping in too fast. He promised to come by first thing in the morning.' 

'We're stuck here?' Jack said, sounding incredulous. 

'It's just for tonight,' she said. 'You can stay in the old lighthouse keeper's cottage. I say cottage, but it's more like a bunker, set in the side of the cliff. I've used it myself plenty of times. Better than kipping down here.'

'Thank you,' Ianto said. He knew how much Jack hated the place. At least the cottage was removed from the facility itself. 'Jack and I are accustomed to sleeping in a bunker,' he added, trying to bring levity to the prospect of staying here. 

'I'll fetch you some clean blankets to take up there,' she offered. 'You can stay have tea with us. Shouldn't sweep in here for at least another three hours. You'll be right here for a while, yet.'

 

Ianto watched Jack across the small table as he shunted peas from one side of the plate to the other. He'd been sullen and silent all throughout the meal. Ianto kept up conversation with Helen for the sake of trying to draw Jack back in. He wasn't much of a talker, but when he had to, he could make polite conversation and stretch it out. 

It was only as he was staring at Jack, his demeanor as blue as his shirt, that the solution to his earlier problem hit him. 

'Blue,' he said. 

'Sorry?' Helen said. 

'The colour for the walls.' 

It had been one of a long list of things they'd been mulling over all afternoon. The place needed a lift. It was too dark and cold, with its drab concrete. For all their attempts to make it more homely than its military predecessor, it still felt like a prison rather than a hospice. Ianto had hoped that a coat of paint might lift the mood of the place, Jack's included. They'd tossed around ideas for a colour scheme, unable to settle on any. Pale green was too much like a hospital, yellow reminded him of old people's homes that stank of disinfectant and decay. White was the simplest option, but even that felt too clinical. Peach had been put forth as the least unpalatable, but even that was only half heartedly agreed to. He wanted to laugh. The answer had been staring him in the face the whole time. Literally 

Helen looked up, following his line of sight and settling on the pale blue colour of Jack's shirt. 

'Yes, I think you're right,' she said, beaming at Jack. 'A nice calming colour.' 

'Glad to have helped,' Jack said, but sounding unenthusiastic. 

Ianto wanted to slap him. He knew the place weighed heavily on Jack's conscience, but they really were trying hard to make it the best they could. Every time he came here, he had a hundred things he wanted to do, and found a hundred more by the time he left. The place was a challenge in so many ways, a problem that needed solving and a wound that needed healing. All Jack saw was the negatives, wandering the darkened halls, brooding, torturing himself over things he couldn't fix instead of throwing himself headlong into the things he could fix. 

'Tea's lovely,' Ianto said, complimenting the simple fare. Chops, mash, peas and gravy. Hardly fine dining, but food shipments were only fortnightly. The carers that lived and worked out here ate the same as their charges. Most weren't adventurous in their tastes, not after everything they'd been through. 

'Simple home-cooked meals are everyone's favourite,' Helen said. 

'Ours, too,' Ianto replied. 'Would that we had more time for them,' he added. He cast another glance at Jack. 'If I feed him any more pizza he's going to get fat.'

Jack didn't even bite at the comment. He was staring through Ianto and behind him. They were the only ones in the small room that counted for a dining hall. Most residents ate alone, if they ate much at all. 

Overhead a rumble was heard. Helen looked up towards the roof. 'Sounds like the storm is coming. We should get you settled in before the rain. Maisy has made chocolate pudding. I'll get her to put some in a container so you can take it with you. I know Jack's a bit of a sweet tooth,' she said, as if he wasn't even there. 

'That'd be great,' Ianto said, taking the plates, including Jack's half eaten effort. Normally he'd have hoovered the lot and gone back for seconds. Ianto wasn't even sure he'd be able to convince Jack to have pudding. 

'Ta,' Jack mumbled, leaving the table. 

Ianto went and fetched the pile of sheets and blankets the girls had pulled out, whilst Helen shoved a large plastic container in Jack's arms, containing dessert. 

'Stop spoiling us,' he said. 

'Never. I'll just go get my coat.' 

Jack put a hand on her arm. 'Stay. We know the way.' 

Another rumbled rolled overhead and the air was pierced by a scream down the hall. Jack cringed at the sound. He made for the hallway out and up to the surface without waiting for Ianto. 

'You're sure you don't want us to stay and help?' he said, already knowing that he couldn't ask Jack to stay here a minute longer. 

'I think it's for the best if you don't stay,' Helen said, sad little expression on her face. 

Ianto nodded, leaving to catch up to Jack who was well ahead of him. Probably halfway to the cottage by now, Ianto thought. Funny how they'd hired Helen to look after the residents, but when Jack was here, she extended her very capable personality to looking after him as well. 

As soon as Ianto was out through the hatch, he was blown about by the fierce winds. In the distance the sky flashed white, and it illuminated the small familiar silhouette of Jack as he charged down the path towards the lighthouse. Ianto hurried after him, unsure whether it was to beat the storm, or to make sure Jack wasn't left alone for too long. 

 

Ianto pulled the blanket up tighter around him, until it covered his ears and he could tuck his nose under it. He wrapped one arm around Jack, determined to keep him still long enough for them both to fall asleep. He almost succeeded until Jack turned violently again, this time taking the entire blanket with him. Ianto was about to growl at him and tug it back when he realised that Jack hadn't just stolen the blanket, he'd ripped it off completely as he'd jumped from the bed. He waited for Jack to return from the bathroom, about to give him a piece of his mind, when instead he heard the door slam and a gust of wind tear through the small cottage. What the hell? 

He pulled himself out of bed, hurriedly tugging on his shoes and polar fleece jacket before coming to stand at the open doorway. Outside the wind was howling and screaming, the rain pouring down in thick sheets, making it impossible to see.

'Jack!' he yelled. He couldn't see anything. 'Jack!' he yelled again, reluctantly stepping out into the rain. He did a circuit of the cottage, yelling Jack's name as the rain soaked quickly through his clothes. Lighting flashed overhead and he looked around desperately for Jack. From here on the top of the island's highest point, he could just make out the tiny docks at the bottom of the rocky slope. As if by intuition, he started down the narrow tracks, nothing more than slickened mud and rock now. If Jack had taken off, he knew where he'd go.

Ianto trekked down the treacherous path, wind buffetting him, slapping rainwater in his face and saturating him down to the bone. Helen hadn't been wrong, this storm was a doozy. If it wasn't for the constant lightning overhead, he would never have been able to follow the trail down the sloping cliff face. Just when he thought he was making progress, a slickened rock caught beneath his foot. His ankle rolled sideways and he fell forwards, stacking into the muddy grass and rock, grateful for the hands that stopped him falling halfway down the cliff. 

He picked himself up, wincing painfully as his ankle shot white hot pain up and down his leg. It didn't feel broken, but it was sprained for sure. In a debate about whether to continue down and find Jack or try and climb back up the hill to the cottage, there was no argument. He had to find Jack, and climbing down was going to be a whole lot easier and safer than going back up. 

He stumbled and staggered down the treacherous path, barely able to make out where he was putting his feet in between lightning strikes, plunged into blackness for the briefest of moments. Slipping down the last few feet he finally came to the pebble ridden beach and the long jetty that poked out into turbulent water. At the very end, he could make out Jack's figure, bent in half. 

'Jack!' he yelled, limping along the jetty, closing the gap between them. 'Jack!' he yelled again, finally seeing what Jack was doing. A few yards from the end of jetty was a rickety looking boat, hardly more than a rowboat - something that belonged on a shallow lake for fishing, not tied up to an isolated island in the middle of the Bristol Channel. It had been tethered there for as long as Ianto could remember, slowly rotting away. Jack wasn't seriously considering getting in it, was he? There was half a foot of water already filling it. 

'Jack!' he screamed, as the rain came down even harder. 'What the hell are you doing?' 

'I need to get out of here!' he yelled back, tugging hard on the lines to free the small vessel from its berth. 

'Where?'

'I don't care! Anywhere but here! I'm not staying on this wretched island for another second.'

Jack had gone mad. Perhaps Ianto should have seen the warning signs. He hadn't been in the right frame of mind since arriving, and the day had only worn him down further. Having to spend the night here was clearly more than he could take. 

'Jack, you can't go out there! You'll drown.' 

'I don't care!' What scared Ianto was that he sounded as if he genuinely meant it. He'd really risk capsizing in stormy seas just to put distance between the island and him. 

'Jack, come back. Please.' 

Jack had finished arguing with him, focusing solely on the task at hand, the ropes slipping in his grip as the water flowed over his hands. Finally he got the rope loose, casting it off and lowering himself into the rocking vessel. Only one meagre rope now stood between him and escape. 

Ianto lunged forward, determined to stop him. His jarred ankle slipped out from underneath him when he stepped forward, further down the slippery dock as the winds gusted around him. Before he knew what had happened, there was a sense of falling, hitting something hard and then freezing cold water everywhere. 

It had been just a split second as Jack watched Ianto slip on the wet surface, coming down hard before sliding over the edge of the jetty, disappearing into the black churned up water below. 

'Ianto!' 

Ianto flailed in the choppy waters, trying to keep his head up, but the storm was coming down hard, sheets of rain slapping its surface and adding to the confusion as to which way was up. It was like being in a washing machine, only darker and scarier. Something bumped him from behind and he realised it was one of the support beams. He grabbed for it, hugging it as the water churned all around him, tugging viciously at his body. It was trying to pull him underneath the jetty, he realised. The tide was high and Ianto knew that if it pulled him under the jetty he'd most likely drown . 

'Ianto!' Jack's voice was faint against the howling winds and the roaring sea, even though he must have been yelling. Ianto yelled back before a rogue wave crashed over him, loosening his grip on the support beam. 

As he surfaced a flash of lighting brought Jack and the small dinghy into view for just a second, not that far away. If he could just swim for it, trying to fight the raging currents. Waves knocked him from side to side and any attempt to try and find the boat again was lost as he was turned around by the waves. 

'Ianto!' He heard his name again over the crashing thunder. Something slapped his shoulder and dragged across it. He grabbed for it, finding a thick rope and gripped it with both hands as it tugged back against his body, pulling him. A minute later he was brushed up against something else hard - the edge of Jack's boat. 

The edge of the old boat was slick with moss and salt, and no sooner had he grabbed it than it slipped out from underneath his fingers, plunging him back in the water. He tried again, but this time it was the rolling waves beneath the boat that jolted it away from his reach. Another wave tumbled over him and he was certain that this was the end. He shot his hand out one last time, and this time, it was something else that grabbed it hard. Jack. 

'I've got you,' he said, adding his other hand and gripping it tightly around Ianto's wrist, even as the ocean tried to pull him away. He struggled over the lip of the rocking boat until he was in, rolling onto his back in sheer relief as the rain assaulted his face. Then his stomach clenched and forced him to roll over. He coughed up mouthfuls of foul tasting water, full of sand and mud and a dozen other unpleasant things kicked up by the turbulent seas. Jack grabbed him and wrapped up him in a vice like grip, almost squeezing the breath out of him. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'

He wrapped his own arms tightly around Jack, glad for the rescue, but gladder still just to have him somewhere he couldn't get away. There'd be time enough for chastising and arguments later. 

 

It felt like an eternity before Jack finally let go of him. 'We can't stay here,' he said, voice raised over the howling winds and lashing rain. 

Really? Ianto felt like saying. As if that wasn't obvious. It was small wonder that the tiny boat was still hanging onto the jetty by its one rope, and that the force of the storm hadn't ripped it from its mooring, leaving them lost at sea. 

Getting back out of the boat and onto the jetty was harder than he thought. The boat swayed violently and he'd never had good sea legs. It didn't help that his ankle protested every movement, threatening to go out from under him again. With a lot of help from Jack he somehow clambered back up. He'd never been so grateful for terra firma. 

'You okay?' Jack said, noticing the way Ianto favoured one leg. 

'Could use some help,' he said letting Jack wrap an arm under his shoulder. 'Don't think I can make it back up there,' he added watching as the lightning blazed in the sky, creating a dark silhouette of the lighthouse. 

'It's too far,' Jack replied. He wanted to get them out of the storm as quickly as possible, and the facility was a lot closer from here. Even so, it was an arduous struggle against the elements and the island's natural ruggedness before he was finally leaning exhausted against the concrete and steel entrance. 

He hit the intercom button and waited. 

'Who's there?'

'It's Jack. Let us in!' 

The door slid open and Jack eased them both in. A moment later, Helen was there to find out why they'd turned up in the middle of the night. 

'Jesus, Mary and... what on earth happened to you two?'

'Long story,' Jack said, trying to shuffle them further inside. Ianto wrapped around his shoulders, trying to take some of the weight off his ankle as they hobbled dripping and cold down the long narrow corridors and into the main facility building. 

Helen nagged them out of their sopping clothes, passing them soft towels to dry off the worst of the chill. 'A miracle if neither of you catch cold, turning up like that,' she complained. It was rare that anything annoyed her in this line of work, though Ianto imagined his and Jack's own stupidity could definitely qualify to wear down even the most patient person. 'What would possess you to go out in a storm like that?' 

Neither of them offered up an explanation and Helen took it in her stride, knowing Jack's penchant for keeping things to himself. Instead she ordered them both to the showers. 

She found them some loose pajamas to change into, and even a dressing gown for Ianto who looked chilled to the bone despite the warm water and fluffy towels. it must have belonged to one of the residents, fresh from the laundry, or otherwise it was kept in reserve for any new arrivals. Ianto imagined that for someone who'd just been ejected from the rift, having faced God only knew what on the other side, the comfort of a warm gown would be heavenly. It certainly was for him. For Jack she offered up a blanket, which Jack proceeded to wrap around Ianto, watching as he continued to shiver, until she forced a second one on him. 

She tutted as she inspected Ianto's ankle. 'Not broken at least. A cold compress will help keep the swelling down.' She went and fetched one as Jack lead to him over to the long sofa in the recreation room, sitting him down and elevating his ankle on top of the armrest. He plonked himself down next to Ianto, wrapping himself around Ianto as his lover he leaned back into Jack's embrace. 

The ice pack was unpleasant, given how much he wanted not to feel cold, but it did ease some of the pain. He pulled the blanket tighter and snuggled against Jack, feeling exhausted. 

'I'm sorry,' Jack apologised again. 

'It's fine,' Ianto said, letting his eyes slip shut. 

'It's not.' How could he have been so stupid? What had he hoped to achieve by drowning himself. What would have happened if Ianto had woken to find him gone, lost at sea? Would his body have washed up in the island's rocky shores? That would have been just his luck to have been returned here after everything. Instead he nearly lost his lover. 'I hate this place,' he said. 

'I know,' Ianto replied. 

'How can you not hate it, too?' 

'It's doing good. How can you hate something good?' 

'I had to get away. I couldn't take it anymore. This place... I feel like I'm being crushed. Everything I can't fix lives here in this place, and you keep making me come back here.' 

Ianto tried not to take offense at the comment. He'd never forced Jack to come here. He wanted Jack to be able to reconcile his feelings about the place. It was why he never let him come here alone anymore. He wanted Jack to see the difference it was making to the people forced to live here. They were cared for and nurtured. Maybe one day some of them might be healed enough to return to the real world. That was the best any of them could hope for. At least thanks to Jack they had hope. 

Jonah's screams had stopped sometime during the night. In fact, the whole place was eerily quiet, as if the storm outside had taken all the fight out of them, Jack included. 

'Go to sleep,' Ianto instructed, curling up closer. 'It'll be morning soon and the storm will pass. We can go home and you can forget this place for a little while.'

He prayed Jack didn't forget. This place was meant for healing and only Jack seemed to be impervious to its rehabilitating qualities. Some wounds took years to heal, he realised, and Jack's ran deeper than most. All they could do for now would be to let time and nature take its course. 

'I can't sleep. And I can't forget,' Jack said. 'I wish I never had to come here ever again.' 

'Would you visit me, if I had to stay here?' 

Jack tensed around him. 'Why?' 

'Just wanna know. In case I ever get taken.' 

'I wouldn't let them take you,' Jack said, squeezing him tighter. 'I'd give up everything and take care of you myself.'

'Lucky I've got you, then. I wish everyone here had someone like you. If I didn't though, I'd be glad to have a place like this where they'd look after me.' He shifted slightly, pulling the blanket closer. He just wanted to sleep and worry about Jack in the morning. 

Jack watched as Ianto fell asleep against him. Perhaps he was right. They were lucky to have each other when things got hard. Wasn't that why he'd set this place up? Why did it always feel like it was never enough? 

He stared across the room, watching the doors that lined the wall. He imagined one of them with its tiny name plaque reading "Ianto". He'd never leave if Ianto were here. He'd move heaven and earth to make this place everything he needed. Wasn't that why Ianto had list after list of things to do around here? Is that why he insisted dragging Jack out here, to show him what he was creating? He'd rather be anywhere else right now, but if Ianto was here, he was right where he was meant to be.


End file.
